Final Farewell
by Lady Feylene
Summary: Ron receives a late night visitor...(Mild slash)


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Disclaimer: Ron, Harry and Peter are not mine. I don't claim to own them, though I do have a stuffed Scabbers. Wait. I don't anymore, because my purse ate him! I was devastated...I collect all those hugs for Peter, and then I go and lose Scabbers. The bed is so empty now...

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Warning: Mildly slashy...Strangeness ensues...

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Dedication: For Slash Muse, who suggested it. Challenged, actually. And Lady Piper. Who also suggested it. :-) Hope you like it...I couldn't make it *too* slashy, not unless I wanted to totally warp the characters, which I didn't feel like doing.

Author's Note: I don't know where the hell this came from. It was suggested to me, and I thought, what the hell? I like to get challenges out of the way first, generally because they usually have deadlines and whatnot. So this is one. I whipped it up in a few hours, and I think I like it. Though there were difficulties going on in my current surroundings, so if it's choppy, I apologize. 

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A Final Farewell

He was...fond of Ron. How could he not be? After spending so many years in his bed, sleeping tucked against him, sharing his life...how could he not be fond of Ron? His easy going nature, his fiery temper, his deep blue eyes...though young, there was a sense of age and wisdom about him. A subdued sensuality, promising to blossom into sultriness in maturity. Even now, it could be seen. The flash of his eyes, the way his fiery hair hugged his face in loose curls, the way he moved...

And Ron was not, no matter what he thought, second class. Despite living in the shadow of his older brothers, he was truly the most shining of the lot. And He would know. He had been practically a part of the family for so long now, that he had seen them all. Bill, the reckless and wild gypsy. Charlie, the wistful dreamer. Percy, the retentive know-it-all. Fred and George, the pranksters. And Ginny, the girl, distinguished only by her sex. Despite the attention she had lavished on him, he had never warmed to her.

Ron stood out simply because he did not have a category. He was splendid in his uniqueness.

Ron was sleeping now. He watched, head resting on the pillow, as Ron's slim chest rose and fell with his steady breathing.

//It's not fair.// He thought to himself, deciding is he could sigh, he would. Why did it have to be Ron? He was so...angelic. And he had always been so kind.

//I can't do this.// He swallowed hard, blinking slowly. He couldn't. No power on the earth or heaven could force him to do that to Ron. 

//I'm not going to. They can't make me. *He* can't make me.// 

Ron shifted in his sleep, a pale step of moonlight falling over his face. He was beautiful. The cuteness he had displayed in youth had truly bloomed. He was...perfect. //If things were different, I could have fallen in love with him.//

But things weren't different. And all he had were these late night visits. And now...

//They want me to kill him. They do it on purpose, I swear. A prove your loyalty thing. But I can't. I could...stay here. With him. Except I can't. He'd sooner kill me then look at me. I hurt him. I didn't mean to...//

That was just it. He never *meant* to do anything he did. But that was how it worked out.

//You never could have loved me, huh?// He inched closer to Ron, breathing in his scent. //Even back then, I wasn't he sort of person you'd love. I was nobody. Nothing. I was overshadowed too, you know. Not as much as you though. But it's okay. They cared about me, just like your brothers care about you. I guess....they were sort of like my brothers. It wasn't supposed to be like that. I wish...I wish I could tell you. What happened. How it happened. But you don't care. You shouldn't care. You shouldn't worry.// He licked his lips, hating the feel of them. //And you shouldn't die. Especially not for no good reason. I couldn't say no then, but I can say no now...//

He wondered what it would have been like, if they had been born at the right time. Would Ron have ever looked on him fondly, smiled at him? Maybe...maybe they would have studied together, or been partners in class. That was the most he could hope for, really. Ron would never have looked on him with adoring eyes. Or would he have? No. It was probably not light brown hair, pale green eyes, and a slightly teddy-bearish figure that filled Ron's romantic dreams. Most likely it was a young woman with brown hair, a sharp mind, and slender hands...

//It's not fair.// But he had the memories. Tucked against Ron's side, pressed against smooth skin. Held, loved, and wanted. A pity it was under false pretences.

//Would you have ever kissed me?// He hadn't been kissed in so long. Not a real kiss. Lips pressed quickly to the top of his head did not count. One hand idly stroking his back while lying in bed...well, that was rather nice to think on. Ron had very gentle hands. And delicate. He was delicate, in a way. Not feminine, like Malfoy, but delicate. 

//I think you would have liked me.// He couldn't fight temptation. To snuggle up close like he used to do. Of all the things he found he missed, throughout his entire life, it was Ron he missed the most. How odd, that it was Ron. //You loved me. Sort of. I got love from you. That sounded wrong. I wish everything were different!//

He thought if he could, he would have cried. He cried too much now. He decided he didn't care anymore. He crawled beneath the covers, and curled up against Ron's side, content. Even if he died the next day, it would be all right. //I bet your lips are soft. They look like they would be. Have they kissed anyone yet? Maybe Hermione. I bet you'd like to kiss her. Even if we had been born in the right time, you wouldn't want to kiss me. Or hold me. Or make love to me. You'd be gentle too. Not like Sirius. He tried, but he was always so rough...//

Losing one's virginity to Sirius Black was not a pleasant occurrence. //I don't know if he loved me or not. I think...I was just convenient. Well, I was convenient for you too. But you loved me, anyway. I was yours. And I always loved you. Never Percy. He doesn't deserve it. He has enough, he really does. You...you need it. You live in shadows. I wish I could bring you into the sun. But I live in the shadows to.//

He felt a hand close around him, loosely and soft. He nuzzled his nose into Ron's palm, not even caring if he woke up. So what if he was discovered? If he was caught, and sent to Azkaban, he wouldn't have to kill Ron. Not that he was going to anyway. He couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to.

This wasn't enough. He crawled out of the bed, frowning. He knew he wasn't thinking very well, but it didn't matter. He slipped back to the floor, and concentrated. There, were a small plump brown rat had been, was a man of indeterminate age with thick-thanks to a bottle of Maliko's Hair Grow solution-light brown hair, green eyes, pointed features and a body made lean by constantly running here and there. He ran a hand through his hair, and looked down at Ron with a human's eyes.

//It's not fair. He shouldn't have to b put through any of this.// Peter frowned, and his hand dropped to lightly brush a bit of Ron's hair out of his face. //Maybe...maybe it would be better to kill him. Maybe...maybe things will be worse if he lives...// Peter knew there were countless times when he himself wanted to die. Or wished he was dead. Would it be like that for Ron?

//No. He won't mess up like I did.// Peter let his fingers trail over Ron's cheek, in love with the fine architecture of Ron's bones. His fingers trailed downwards, sliding over Ron's collarbone.

//Stop it. You're going to do something stupid. You should just go...just run...// But he was captivated by the sleeping form of Ron. //He's sleeping really deeply...// Those were bad thoughts, but Peter couldn't help it. He licked his lips, bending slightly to press his lips against Ron's forehead. //I wish I could protect you...//

He couldn't even protect himself, how was he supposed to protect Ron? He sighed, kissing Ron's eyelids. //You have Harry. He'll protect you. And you...you take care of him too.// Peter could feel tears in his eyes now. Past regrets were haunting him, and there was nothing he could do. //I can't live like this...and you should never have to.// He wasn't going to live like that anymore. He could go away...far away. He could live as a muggle. They'd never find him. But he had to say goodbye...

"I wish it was different!" He said aloud. "I'm sorry for everything. I really am. I wish you could forgive me...I know you can't, but that's okay..." He sniffed, and in a moment of pure abandon he pressed his lips against Ron's. The young man stirred in his sleep, and Peter pulled away quickly. He retreated to the shadows as brilliant blue eyes snapped open, and Ron sat up in bed, looking confused.

"Wha..?" He mumbled. Peter wished he had the sense to change, but he was frozen. He swallowed hard, and hoped Ron wouldn't see him. "You!"

His wishes had been unanswered.

"I..." Peter could say nothing. 

"What are you doing here?" Ron was glaring at him, eyes narrow slits.

"I just...I'm not...please!" Peter wasn't making any sense. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be here."

"Damn right! I should...I don't know. Do something." Ron was obviously still partially asleep.

"No! Just...I'm going away. I wanted to see you..."

"What?" Ron now sounded partially disgusted. "Why?"

"Because." Peter shrugged. Everything he had wanted to tell Ron was gone now. "I...I liked you."

"Well...I...shit." Ron sighed. "Why do you have to be so damn pathetic? You're too sad to hate."

"I didn't want to do any of it." Peter said quickly. "It wasn't supposed to be like that!" Finally he could defend himself. "He...he lied to me. He wasn't supposed to kill them! And he...I couldn't say no. He had me trained. He still does...I'm supposed to kill you but I can't. Not you..." Peter shook his head, tears flowing freely now.

"Just...get out of here." Ron said. "I...I won't tell anyone you were here. Hell, I hardly believe it myself. I could be dreaming. I bet I am..."

"Okay." Peter nodded. "Can I just...?" He bit his lower lip, and Ron nodded. 

"No, wait, what do you want to do?" Ron asked, obviously rethinking things.

"I just want to hug you." Peter hoped he sounded sad enough that Ron wouldn't deny him. //I want to do so much more then just hug you, but I'll take that.//

"Hug me?" Ron made a face. "No!"

"Please? You...you meant a lot to me." 

"Why?"

"You were kind to me. You...you loved me."

"I didn't love you, I loved my rat!" Ron sighed. "It doesn't matter that you *were* my rat..."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied to you...and that you loved me under...false pretenses."

"Why now?" Ron asked. "Why are you leaving now?"

"Because can't do it anymore...I want to die. But I'm not strong enough to do it myself. So I'm just going to run. I...I've always run. No reason to change now."

"Someday you're going to run out places to un to." Ron said, and Peter decided he was very wise as well.

"Someday. But not now." Peter gave a weak smile. "They'll send someone else, when they find out I didn't do it. You have to be careful. Voldemort wants you dead."

"To weaken Harry?"

"Probably." Peter nodded. "He didn't tell me why."

"I'll be careful." Ron nodded. "Oh...fine." He sighed, and held out his arms. "Come here."

Peter smiled, and sat on the edge of the bed, allowing Ron to pull him into a hesitant hug. He buried his head in Ron's shoulder, inhaling the deep scent that was Ron. He felt the lean, tall body pressed against his, and couldn't help pressing his lips to the side of Ron's neck.

"Whoa!" Ron pulled away. "That's going too far."

"I'm sorry." Peter hung his head. 

"Yeah. That was...sick. Never do that again." Ron wiped off his neck with his hand, making a face. "Do you have any idea how many issues you gave me? I mean..." Ron shuddered, and Peter hung his head. "Especially if you...oh god! You're sick!" Ron shuddered, pulling his sheet up over him. "You've seen me naked, you pervert!"

"No!" Peter shook his head. "Well, yeah...but it's not like that!" 

"Like hell it isn't!" Ron strained away. "You just...out! Now!"

"I'm sorry! Ron, I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to..." Peter was in a panic. He had screwed things up, again. He had messed up. 

"But you did. I let you talk, I didn't call anyone on you, and that's way more then you deserve. Now get the hell out of my room before I change my mind!"

Peter nodded, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes. His shoulders shook, and wanted to stand but he was crying to hard. Why was he crying? He cried too often...

"Stop that." Ron said. "Stop crying and get out!"

"I can't help it.." Peter said, sobbing. "Everything I've ever done, I've messed up!"

"Well, maybe you should try harder then!"

This did not help. Peter sobbed louder, and Ron groaned.

"All right, I'm sorry." Ron said, patting Peter stiffly on the shoulder. "Just...look. You need to go far, far away and try and be a normal person. Forget about all of this, okay?"

"No!" Peter shook his head furiously. "I can't forget...it wouldn't be fair, if I forgot."

"All right, fine. Remember. But you have to go. Or else I *am* going to turn you in."

"Okay." Peter nodded, wiping at the tears that still trickled from his eyes. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For listening." Peter offered up a weak smile. "No one else ever did."

"Yeah, well...you were my rat." Ron shrugged. He bit his lower lip, watching Peter intently. "You have to promise to never come back. Because if I ever see you again, I'm stunning you myself and taking you right to Dumbledore."

"I won't." Peter nodded. "I'll be gone for good..."

"Good." Ron nodded. "And I won't tell anyone about this...I don't *want* to tell anyone about this..." He made another face, and gave Peter a look out of the corner of his eye. "Ah, why the hell not?" He said, and Peter wondered what he was talking about. Ron sighed, and his face took on a look of grim determination. "Come here." He said, holding out his arms again. Peter couldn't fight the smile that spread over his face. He practically threw himself into Ron's arms, and was surprised to feel Ron's lips press against his hesitantly. Peter didn't know what to do, but he certainly wasn't going to pull away. He kissed Ron back with a fervor, wrapping his arms around the younger man.

"Okay, that's enough!" Ron said, pulling away. "There. Now at least something went okay for you. Now...please get out of here?"

"Thank you!" Peter said, nodding passionately. "Thank you so much..."

"Yeah, yeah, just go, would you?" 

Peter hugged Ron once more, before transforming and slipping back out of the room. Maybe...maybe this was a sign. Things were going to go well in his life, from now on. He would remember. He would remember this night, and the gift Ron had given him. Not just the kiss, but teh chance to just once, just *once* be at least partially understood. Smiling as much as a rat could smile, Peter set out to begin his new life.

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End file.
